Oh, how much joy Yahweh has filled me with these past few weeks! The joy of trusting (with great effort on my fallen behalf), knowing, that everything is in His hands and nothing greater than His power. How freeing it has been to trust in Him. I never understood it before, not truly, and have much to learn.
I am so thankful He cares for me, His very nature to love and to be love -perfect and unyieldingly for the fallen, the broken, the ugly, the sinful. That He will never forsake my ever-wandering heart -it is so beautifully baffling to me, but I feel like for the first time I am beginning to believe it. My heart threatens to explode with joy as I reflect on the beautiful little brown hands He has blessed me to hold, the giant toothless smiles He has honored me to share, the ancient beauty of creation He has privileged me to gaze upon. That He would honor my few “yes”s amongst my vast and plentiful sin in such astounding ways; oh, what comes with true trust in Him? With full and fearless obedience? With full-chested, unabashed faith in what He already is?!
Today I ask Yahweh for faith. I beg him to protect me from the spiritual leanness that can so quickly envelope when my servant feet touch US soil. I praise him today with such fullness of heart, I never again want to feel the empty loneliness of being in the shadow of His turned face, or the abyss of my human incapability.
I ask Yah today for wisdom. I want to walk -nay, run! -boldly in His will for me. I thank Him for blessing me through Poured Out already. It must be true that mustard seed-sized faith can move a mountain, as mine has been atom-sized and He has branched it and mended it to so many others, and began such a great work. Already in 3 years, I cannot begin to count the lives He has touched through me alone, not to mention the rest of Poured Out. How many thousands? Haitians and Americans, week-old babies and 109-year-old women, pastors and voodoo children, students, entrepreneurs, divorcees, retirees, families, friends, and strangers. I stand (or sit, currently :) ) in absolute awe of His work. His love is the most contagious, healing, and translucent thing there is.
I struggle to hear His voice over my own. I know this is because I so rarely be silent and listen. I don’t want my own fears and insecurities and selfishness to stand in the way of the giant and beautiful ways He wants to be glorified through this life I already owe Him. I ask Yah today that He makes me more than I am; leading, inspiring, loving, teaching, and any other skills and traits required to answer His calls, I know too well that I cannot do this on my own.
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